I've been really depressive these last weeks and i hate myself for it. I mean fuck i'm at quest what the else do i need to be happy. i've made friends, and even though its not the relationships i was expecting it is a lot better than it could have been. and im learning so much too like i've never been so intellectually stimulated in my life. Yet im still sobering over myself.
well theres one possible reason, maybe im just realizing that ill never understand whatever is missing for my life to make sense. In hearst i was ok with not knowing for now. But i thought quest would bring some sort of reason to live an answer a way to not look back on my life and wanting more. To feel like what i did was good and complete. And quest or my lifestyle is far away from getting me closer to this in fact people are kind of looking down on the foundation courses that are making me think so damn hard.So im sad that ill probly always be too dumb to reach a better understanding of life but at least it gives sense that i dont.
mardi 5 novembre 2013
lundi 30 septembre 2013
Cornerstone
I want this blog to be my own diary delivered to an audience will probably never exist and i don't care. The purpose of this is not to remember things from my life as i will get older but simply to put my thoughts in order at the end of each months because they are mostly everywhere all the time.
This month has been overwhelming even i right now i find this word lacking in describing this correctly. Its like living in a movie of your own life even if you have complete control over it. It feels has if everything is going to fast for me to psychologically assess what is happening to me.
Life here at quest has been everything i wanted it to be and not at all in some cases. On an academic level it has been wonderful. I was afraid people here were gonna be sure about so many things but i was wrong everybody is like me and is afraid of Truth as they should be. Knowledge was impossible to define but thats ok. I learned so many things and i believe Poppers falsifiability theory to be quite accurate and very interesting for science. I thought most scientist would believe in fictions such as thinking that their field of study would be better than everything else. I liked how both of our teachers finished their course.
Fei with the distinction between knowledge as meno defined it that is something which can be obtained not only with recollection but also with logical reasoning. And a definition of knowledge that is much more poetic with the man standing next to the river and understanding fishes by looking and observing and maybe to a certain level feeling the same things as the fishes in the water did.
On a personal and emotional level there has been a lot of ups and downs. I have connected with a lot of different people here by talking and doing activities. But i feel like people are a bit colder here than in my hometown. Like answers are more harsh sometimes and that there is a lot of importance put on how you act in front of other people. But i guess its me trying a to have a good impression on 500 people and failing at it miserably. Plus when i get to talk to people some more im not necessarily showing the side of me i would like to. I'd want to get to talk to people on a more serious level of discussion on my free time. Its hard to show that side of you when it feels a lot easier to act like a kid to get attention. I want people who i have seen a bit more through this month to have a identity of me in their head so they would like to interact with me more but its not working the way i want it to. The fact that i am nothing and that i don't have a defined set of characteristics that are relatable too is challenging in a fully and very demanding social environment. I'm hoping that the kid that im showing to people will have the chance to show a more serious side.
Well i hope the next month goes as well as this one did because it was an awsome one! :)
This month has been overwhelming even i right now i find this word lacking in describing this correctly. Its like living in a movie of your own life even if you have complete control over it. It feels has if everything is going to fast for me to psychologically assess what is happening to me.
Life here at quest has been everything i wanted it to be and not at all in some cases. On an academic level it has been wonderful. I was afraid people here were gonna be sure about so many things but i was wrong everybody is like me and is afraid of Truth as they should be. Knowledge was impossible to define but thats ok. I learned so many things and i believe Poppers falsifiability theory to be quite accurate and very interesting for science. I thought most scientist would believe in fictions such as thinking that their field of study would be better than everything else. I liked how both of our teachers finished their course.
Fei with the distinction between knowledge as meno defined it that is something which can be obtained not only with recollection but also with logical reasoning. And a definition of knowledge that is much more poetic with the man standing next to the river and understanding fishes by looking and observing and maybe to a certain level feeling the same things as the fishes in the water did.
On a personal and emotional level there has been a lot of ups and downs. I have connected with a lot of different people here by talking and doing activities. But i feel like people are a bit colder here than in my hometown. Like answers are more harsh sometimes and that there is a lot of importance put on how you act in front of other people. But i guess its me trying a to have a good impression on 500 people and failing at it miserably. Plus when i get to talk to people some more im not necessarily showing the side of me i would like to. I'd want to get to talk to people on a more serious level of discussion on my free time. Its hard to show that side of you when it feels a lot easier to act like a kid to get attention. I want people who i have seen a bit more through this month to have a identity of me in their head so they would like to interact with me more but its not working the way i want it to. The fact that i am nothing and that i don't have a defined set of characteristics that are relatable too is challenging in a fully and very demanding social environment. I'm hoping that the kid that im showing to people will have the chance to show a more serious side.
Well i hope the next month goes as well as this one did because it was an awsome one! :)
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